I went crazy. I was hoping this wouldn't happen.
It's Sunday evening. When we left off, it was Wednesday. I tried to sext Corey, telling him I bought new lingerie. He just sent me a smiley face and said "really?" I replied, yes, and that one was his fav color too. No response. Didn't hear from him all of Thursday or Friday.
Friday night I got drunk. I swore I would not bother Corey since I knew he was trying to lay low and had a lot on his plate right now, but I was drunker than I thought. And once I drunk dialed him, I knew it wasn't going to stop. He couldn't talk of course so when I got home, he had texted me asking if I was drunk dialing him. At first, I just innocently asked him why we haven't talked the last couple of times. He said he had wanted to call me that day (Fri) and the day before too. But what do words mean if there is no action to support them? I didn't believe him, but he swears he has been really busy with work. Not even to take 10 secs to text me? He said I was right and that he apologized. But I still don't buy it. He drives 25 mins to work everyday and that is when he usually calls me. Maybe if he was taking business calls, then it would be legit if he didn't call me then. But I can't imagine he was on the phone the entire time, both the drive to and from work, for 3 days.
Corey just kept saying sorry, that he didn't mean to ignore me, that I have to understand he can't talk to me whenever he wants to anymore, that he can't talk around his family anymore, and only at work. But he doesn't call or text me at work anymore...
I know he doesn't realize how I feel, how when we don't talk for an unusual period of time or when he says he will call but doesn't, that I worry something has happened. We can only talk so often and so little, doesn't he want every opportunity to talk to me? I know his focus must be on his family right now and it is very unfair of me to ask for anymore of his time...but I can't help but miss him, and want him to want me as much as I want him.
I asked him if this was how it was gonna be from now on: I can't contact him, he can only talk when he is at work, so all I can do is wait around for him to contact me? He replied that I have to understand that he has to be much more careful now, that he can't talk as often or as much as he would like to...
I drunkenly told him that I was sad without him, and he didn't get it. He asked why would I be sad when I have such a great life? I have nothing to complain about in my life, I have been much more fortunate and luckier than others, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own problems and don't experience sadness. I know Corey is attracted to independent (non-clingy) women, and at the moment I was exhibiting the exact opposite. I told him that I missed him. He just said "u too", which everyone knows that just means the guy doesn't really mean it and he types out the least amount of effort.
Then I told him goodbye forever, and he just said "really? ok..."
I said "bye"
He said "Night"
I replied, "Thats it?"
He said, "What do u want me to say?? I didn't say bye...I said night."
I couldn't think of anything to say after that. A part of me knows the longer we continue this, the worse the ending is going to be. I think a part of me knew I was doing the right thing by trying to end things before it got too messy. But don't they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? I haven't had such good conversation with someone AND really good sex in a long time. I didn't want to end things with him but I wanted him to convince me not to end things. I wanted a reason.
I can't tell from our last conversation if he took me seriously or not. I still haven't heard from him. How long should I wait? If he doesn't contact me when he goes back to work tomorrow, should I forget about him?
Or maybe he is giving me space after my crazy freakout? Or maybe he thinks things really are over? Of course I cannot tell him that it's not completely over (at least not on my end) because I can't contact him....
I feel that even though we only met a month ago, that the times we have talked and spent together was a very special connection. But was it special for him? Does he like me enough to look past my crazy clingy freak-out session?
I can't bear the thought of NEVER hearing from him again, not knowing how he feels, not knowing if it's really over or not...but I feel like I have to prepare myself for the worst, I can't go ballistic the next time I drink and demand answers from him. I don't want to wait around for him, but I do not want to text him first...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Change is the only constant in life
Corey update:
In every relationship/affair, there comes a point where the pattern of communication changes, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. Corey calls me almost everyday, texts me a million times a day, but since almost getting caught, it has definitely changed. I hate sounding paranoid, especially since Corey owes nothing to me and everything to his wife. His wife stopped talking to him about the issue, even though we are both sure she knows exactly what is going on and is just not going to say anything more because a) she cheated first and b) they have to stay together for their daughter.
This is the first time it is happened. Corey said he would call me yesterday morning and he didn't. He ended up calling later (after I called him) and said he totally forgot bc his secretary called in sick and he got stuck with a bunch of stuff to do. He didn't call me today either. I texted him a little while ago, and while he answers, he seems a little distant and not as talkative as he usually is.
So am I being paranoid or just an attention whore? I don't want to make a big deal if it's nothing and I don't want to mess up a good thing. I always worry when a guy pays a lot of attention to me in the beginning and then it seems to fade. It's like I want to keep making sure he is still into me. I hate feeling like this, but I am afraid at any moment Corey can change his mind about seeing me in order to save his marriage. My situation hasn't changed at all, so I am the one left alone in the end. It feels like we are getting farther apart while we should be closer...
Ryan update:
I didn't know who else to talk to (I am a single girl and I don't know a lot of married people who are having affairs) so I told Ryan the drama with Corey and almost getting caught. He thinks Corey may like me too much--which is not a bad thing. Ryan would never put his marriage at so much risk. At the first sign, he would stop talking to me and start trying to be faithful to his wife. But he told me not to believe everything Corey says, which I don't, since I cannot except someone who is lying to his wife to always be honest with me. But lying is another topic....
Ryan and I have been looking into sex clubs and swingers club. Not sure if I wanna swap or even do a 3some, but I really wanna watch and be watched. He found an online directory-type site and made an account. I went on it yesterday and looked through some of the profiles. There is some potential there, I think, so I am feeling a lil bit excited :)
In every relationship/affair, there comes a point where the pattern of communication changes, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. Corey calls me almost everyday, texts me a million times a day, but since almost getting caught, it has definitely changed. I hate sounding paranoid, especially since Corey owes nothing to me and everything to his wife. His wife stopped talking to him about the issue, even though we are both sure she knows exactly what is going on and is just not going to say anything more because a) she cheated first and b) they have to stay together for their daughter.
This is the first time it is happened. Corey said he would call me yesterday morning and he didn't. He ended up calling later (after I called him) and said he totally forgot bc his secretary called in sick and he got stuck with a bunch of stuff to do. He didn't call me today either. I texted him a little while ago, and while he answers, he seems a little distant and not as talkative as he usually is.
So am I being paranoid or just an attention whore? I don't want to make a big deal if it's nothing and I don't want to mess up a good thing. I always worry when a guy pays a lot of attention to me in the beginning and then it seems to fade. It's like I want to keep making sure he is still into me. I hate feeling like this, but I am afraid at any moment Corey can change his mind about seeing me in order to save his marriage. My situation hasn't changed at all, so I am the one left alone in the end. It feels like we are getting farther apart while we should be closer...
Ryan update:
I didn't know who else to talk to (I am a single girl and I don't know a lot of married people who are having affairs) so I told Ryan the drama with Corey and almost getting caught. He thinks Corey may like me too much--which is not a bad thing. Ryan would never put his marriage at so much risk. At the first sign, he would stop talking to me and start trying to be faithful to his wife. But he told me not to believe everything Corey says, which I don't, since I cannot except someone who is lying to his wife to always be honest with me. But lying is another topic....
Ryan and I have been looking into sex clubs and swingers club. Not sure if I wanna swap or even do a 3some, but I really wanna watch and be watched. He found an online directory-type site and made an account. I went on it yesterday and looked through some of the profiles. There is some potential there, I think, so I am feeling a lil bit excited :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Later...
Ok Corey called me this morning on his way to work. His wife read our entire Skype conversation thread. There are only a few conversations but it sounds bad. We talk about everything, including times and places that we have met. So far he just says one of his friends used his account who is scummy, but he doesn't think she bought it...he is worried, but working on it. I mean, in the conversations, it sounds exactly like him and also talks about his age and other stuff specific to him. He mentioned getting an attorney, because he has to prepare for the worst (a divorce), but I highly doubt that is likely and after I talked to him a little, he agrees.
He says that we have to be careful, that I cannot text him randomly at night anymore. He didn't text me all day, but just called me when he was on his way home from work. He is going to work on his wife some more, but continued to ask when I had a free day again. I asked him if he still wanted to see each other. I would think after almost/basically getting caught, that person would wanna cut things off or not risk his marriage anymore. His answer was "yes, absolutely". I asked what would happen with us in either situation. He says he still wants to see me whether he gets divorced or not (divorce is not very likely though, unless he keeps getting caught). He made a joke that if he did get divorced, he could basically see me anytime we wanted. Honestly, I think I sounded more worried than he did, but I know he is. He just kept saying we will work through it. When he got off the phone with me, he had just gotten home, so I really really wonder how he is doing now and the conversation he is having with his wife...
Corey says that her cheating was not as bad because they didn't have a kid then. Corey says he still cares about her, but I know he cheated on her 2 years ago in Miami (March, Ultra), and about 6 months ago when he picked up a Playboy model at the bar. And he had an affair this summer but it didn't last long. And those are the times that I know about specifically and I'm sure there are more.
He also said something else that really bothered me; he thinks that everyone cheats eventually. He says he still believes in monogamy, which I told him he clearly didn't, but I ended the conversation because I didn't wanna argue about it and it doesn't pertain to us anyway...
So now I am not sure if I can text him, which I hate, because we are usually texting and talking all day. He asked me what time I had class tomorrow and if I could call him between my 2 classes. He has to work at 8am so I told him he could call me then (he drives half an hour to work). I guess I won't be able to talk to him til then....
He says that we have to be careful, that I cannot text him randomly at night anymore. He didn't text me all day, but just called me when he was on his way home from work. He is going to work on his wife some more, but continued to ask when I had a free day again. I asked him if he still wanted to see each other. I would think after almost/basically getting caught, that person would wanna cut things off or not risk his marriage anymore. His answer was "yes, absolutely". I asked what would happen with us in either situation. He says he still wants to see me whether he gets divorced or not (divorce is not very likely though, unless he keeps getting caught). He made a joke that if he did get divorced, he could basically see me anytime we wanted. Honestly, I think I sounded more worried than he did, but I know he is. He just kept saying we will work through it. When he got off the phone with me, he had just gotten home, so I really really wonder how he is doing now and the conversation he is having with his wife...
Corey says that her cheating was not as bad because they didn't have a kid then. Corey says he still cares about her, but I know he cheated on her 2 years ago in Miami (March, Ultra), and about 6 months ago when he picked up a Playboy model at the bar. And he had an affair this summer but it didn't last long. And those are the times that I know about specifically and I'm sure there are more.
He also said something else that really bothered me; he thinks that everyone cheats eventually. He says he still believes in monogamy, which I told him he clearly didn't, but I ended the conversation because I didn't wanna argue about it and it doesn't pertain to us anyway...
So now I am not sure if I can text him, which I hate, because we are usually texting and talking all day. He asked me what time I had class tomorrow and if I could call him between my 2 classes. He has to work at 8am so I told him he could call me then (he drives half an hour to work). I guess I won't be able to talk to him til then....
Caught?
Was texting Corey last night when all of a sudden he tells me not to sign on Skype, that his wife found it. Uh oh. I know messages are archived on Skype, but not sure if they show up immediately. We have only used it a few times. I think he is just worried because he only has like 3 contacts and his wife will be wondering who I am. Haven't heard from him since...this was about midnight. I texted him this morning asking what happened and he hasn't texted back yet which is strange because he always texts back and also texts me good morning every morning...so I am a bit worried...:S
I hate all this secretive stuff! I tell my friends everything and I have no one to talk to right now.
I hate all this secretive stuff! I tell my friends everything and I have no one to talk to right now.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday night
I have not been able to talk to Corey much this weekend, but other things going on in my personal life have been distracting me so this has not upset me too much.
I reread some of the emails and chats we had, and I feel like I still need to from time to time just to remind myself that he has a wife, who he probably still loves, since he is not planning on leaving her. He just says he will try hard to stay with her and continue along this path that is his only option. But it makes me sad, especially when I read other blogs and try to understand how married men can love their wives but still care for a lover.
Next week, it’s Corey’s daughter’s first birthday. So I doubt I will see him…but hopefully the week later we can plan something. Before Corey left last time, he asked when I had free time again.
I reread some of the emails and chats we had, and I feel like I still need to from time to time just to remind myself that he has a wife, who he probably still loves, since he is not planning on leaving her. He just says he will try hard to stay with her and continue along this path that is his only option. But it makes me sad, especially when I read other blogs and try to understand how married men can love their wives but still care for a lover.
Next week, it’s Corey’s daughter’s first birthday. So I doubt I will see him…but hopefully the week later we can plan something. Before Corey left last time, he asked when I had free time again.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
More time with Corey
Have not written in a while because I have been busy and happy. Well as happy as I can be seeing a married man. Corey texted me the next day (Wednesday), and said something that he thought I was busy or didn't want to hear from him. I told him of course I wanted to and we resumed our multiple texts a day.
Last Saturday night I had gone out to the bar and was texting Corey at the time. He jokingly suggested I booty call someone that night since we had both been horny and missing each other. I went along with it at first, but the further it went, the more upset I got. I understand he may not be the jealous type, since he said he didn't care if his wife slept with someone else, but I do not like sharing sexual adventures with my other lovers. I was drunk and started being bitchy. Fortunately, it did not turn that bad since he is just too nice and I couldn't be mean to him anyways. He finally said he was joking the entire time, that he knew I was probably seeing other guys since we both said at the beginning there were other people. But he said the idea of me with other guys does not turn him on, but it doesn't bother him. He agreed with me when I said we just shouldn't talk about it, even if we do see other people. And although he says it doesn't bother him that I see other people, he isn't looking for anyone else and hasn't been with anyone else since we first hooked up. By morning I had become reasonable and he didn't seem upset, just worried about me, so I told him I still didn't want things to end. He replied that he could have talked to me all night but knew I had to work all day the next day. That made me smile but now I don't know what to think. I guess it shouldn't matter because we are just having fun, right? But I want him to want only me and not want me to see other people....I know he would never ask me that or even indicate that was ever a problem because he knows he is married and cannot ask too much of me, only that the more we see each other, the better.
Later that day, Corey called me. He asked about my work schedule next week and the one free day I had, he offered to come see me. He had mentioned this before, although I think it is a little ridiculous for him to drive 3 hours to see me. He came on Wednesday and stayed for a few hours during the day. I would've tried to get him to stay longer but it was bath night for his 12-month-old. I love hearing him talk about her but it also makes me sad because he has a family with his wife now.
Corey has called me a few times on the phone now when he is driving, and I have to say it is much better than texting. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that we both hated texting during Saturday night bc it's too hard to argue/fight over texting, in fact, it just makes it worse. Corey also called me yesterday morning, and had mentioned that he is going to a hockey tournament in a large city about 3-4 hours from the both of us in April. He said I should come party. I think maybe this means he wants me to go? Although I am not sure how realistic this is since he will be with his friends. So I hope this texting and calling thing continues consistently....April may be fun.
Ryan has been gone this past week due to a business trip. He texted me last night that he was coming back today. I know he will probably want to see me, but the connection we have is nothing compared to what I have with Corey. I do not really have a desire to see him anymore, he is nice and fun, but a bit boring. Not sure it is going to end though.
Last Saturday night I had gone out to the bar and was texting Corey at the time. He jokingly suggested I booty call someone that night since we had both been horny and missing each other. I went along with it at first, but the further it went, the more upset I got. I understand he may not be the jealous type, since he said he didn't care if his wife slept with someone else, but I do not like sharing sexual adventures with my other lovers. I was drunk and started being bitchy. Fortunately, it did not turn that bad since he is just too nice and I couldn't be mean to him anyways. He finally said he was joking the entire time, that he knew I was probably seeing other guys since we both said at the beginning there were other people. But he said the idea of me with other guys does not turn him on, but it doesn't bother him. He agreed with me when I said we just shouldn't talk about it, even if we do see other people. And although he says it doesn't bother him that I see other people, he isn't looking for anyone else and hasn't been with anyone else since we first hooked up. By morning I had become reasonable and he didn't seem upset, just worried about me, so I told him I still didn't want things to end. He replied that he could have talked to me all night but knew I had to work all day the next day. That made me smile but now I don't know what to think. I guess it shouldn't matter because we are just having fun, right? But I want him to want only me and not want me to see other people....I know he would never ask me that or even indicate that was ever a problem because he knows he is married and cannot ask too much of me, only that the more we see each other, the better.
Later that day, Corey called me. He asked about my work schedule next week and the one free day I had, he offered to come see me. He had mentioned this before, although I think it is a little ridiculous for him to drive 3 hours to see me. He came on Wednesday and stayed for a few hours during the day. I would've tried to get him to stay longer but it was bath night for his 12-month-old. I love hearing him talk about her but it also makes me sad because he has a family with his wife now.
Corey has called me a few times on the phone now when he is driving, and I have to say it is much better than texting. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that we both hated texting during Saturday night bc it's too hard to argue/fight over texting, in fact, it just makes it worse. Corey also called me yesterday morning, and had mentioned that he is going to a hockey tournament in a large city about 3-4 hours from the both of us in April. He said I should come party. I think maybe this means he wants me to go? Although I am not sure how realistic this is since he will be with his friends. So I hope this texting and calling thing continues consistently....April may be fun.
Ryan has been gone this past week due to a business trip. He texted me last night that he was coming back today. I know he will probably want to see me, but the connection we have is nothing compared to what I have with Corey. I do not really have a desire to see him anymore, he is nice and fun, but a bit boring. Not sure it is going to end though.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday morning
I haven't heard from Corey since the little wink smiley face he sent me on Saturday evening. I even went to work on Sunday without taking my phone, totally expecting to come home to a text from him but nothing. It's Monday and he usually texts me good morning (last week he did almost every day) but still haven't heard from him. I know this is ridiculous considering he did text me last..it's my turn to respond. But he usually always texts me so much. I don't want that to stop because last time wasn't as good or he thinks he has me wrapped around his finger already.
I still do not like Andrew and his new gf. But I'm getting over it. Refraining from looking at facebook. I've been trying to list the pros and cons, maybe only stick to the cons....short, not nice body, I can do better, etc...
Although I miss Corey I still can't help but keep thinking about him and his wife, how he thinks she is a great woman and doesn't plan on leaving her even given their situation. She cheated on him a couple of years ago and he didn't even care. He says it's ok if she can find someone to spice up her life since the sex between them is not good and awkward...but that he is going to do the same and they are never going to discuss it. It seems like he just wants an open marriage. Is he that type of guy? I don't think I could ever ever be that type of person...
Ryan wants to meet up again. He is leaving on a business trip next Tuesday for a week so he wants to see me before then. I told him maybe this Thursday or Friday.
I still do not like Andrew and his new gf. But I'm getting over it. Refraining from looking at facebook. I've been trying to list the pros and cons, maybe only stick to the cons....short, not nice body, I can do better, etc...
Although I miss Corey I still can't help but keep thinking about him and his wife, how he thinks she is a great woman and doesn't plan on leaving her even given their situation. She cheated on him a couple of years ago and he didn't even care. He says it's ok if she can find someone to spice up her life since the sex between them is not good and awkward...but that he is going to do the same and they are never going to discuss it. It seems like he just wants an open marriage. Is he that type of guy? I don't think I could ever ever be that type of person...
Ryan wants to meet up again. He is leaving on a business trip next Tuesday for a week so he wants to see me before then. I told him maybe this Thursday or Friday.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Saturday afternoon
I went and met up with Corey again on Wednesday. I think I might've had high expectations this time because of how much fun we had last time...it wasn't a bad time at all, but it wasn't that great. I still really like him, I just expected to get closer and closer...but not sure that is going to be the case. He talks about his wife about, and talks to her on the phone a lot.
I met him at 2pm and we stayed the night. The first time we had sex almost as soon as I got there, but it was so good. I was very wet and he was doing me when I was facedown on the bed. He reached around and rubbed my clit while fucking me. It felt so good, I thought maybe I could reach an orgasm eventually that way. He tried to cum in my mouth but kinda missed...he was still hard afterwards so we kept going but he couldn't cum again so we stopped. After that we were hungry and went to Applebee's to eat.
Corey talked to his wife at least 3 times, which I tried not to hear except when he put her on speakerphone...I'm not sure why he thinks this is appropriate. Once was in the car and he didn't have much of a choice. The other time, we were using the hot tub in our room and he had to put her on speakerphone. He kissed me twice during it, but not passionately, so maybe it was just a weak assurance.
We also happened to do a bit of coke beforehand, since he discovered his boss had given it to him in a pack of cigs. This might have been a mistake since he had trouble getting it up and I couldn't get turned on at all. So it turned a bit awkward...we took a couple of breaks and we had sex twice more, but he wasn't cumming anytime soon, so we decided to stop and sleep/take a break.
I love cuddling with Corey, yet I know this crosses the casual sex boundary. I wonder if he cuddles and has this intimacy with his wife at him. He mentioned he usually sleeps on the couch because he doesn't like their bed. I hate that he calls her "wifey" so affectionately...but they ARE married.
We left the hotel at 8am. We had a quickie at about 7:45ish. I was getting dressed in my bra and panties and he was still lying in bed. Corey looked over at me and told me "you should get over here". I can't resist him. I went to him in the bed and climbed under the covers next to his naked body. Immediately he started caressing my ass, kissing me, and taking off my thong. I laid there in bliss as he fingered and licked me til I was wet enough. Then he climbed between my legs and slowly (because his cock is very generous in girth) eased his cock into me. He said he still had to cum in my mouth. He fucked me well for a few mins and then announced that he could cum. He pulled out and quickly climbed up my body and put his cock in my mouth as he came. I sucked and cleaned off his cock :)
I'm sure he felt this time wasn't as good as expected...he didn't text me til later the next night. I texted him back but he didn't text me back...the next morning I inquired if he got my text. He said he did, but he passed out after. For someone who always responds to me and always texts me a million times, I thought this was strange. So it kinda upset me. He asked how I was doing but I decided I wasn't in the mood to talk to him this weekend. Corey had mentioned on the phone with his wife that he wanted to go snowboarding this weekend because of all the snow. I hated finding out his wife's name and also their baby daughter's. Makes everything seem so much more real. Maybe this is why he always wants to meet during the week...not sure he could get away for a weekend.
Corey just texted me again, sending a lil wink. It makes me feel better that he is thinking about me, but this is all about sex. I don't want it to be. With Ryan, I don't care...I like him as a friend and also like having sex with him. With Corey, it is so different. I keep wondering what it would be like if we met under different circumstances, if he wasn't married, if he would ever leave his wife...all very dangerous categories. I must stop thinking this. Should I just keep seeing him and keep things casual? Should I slowly phase him out or cut him off?
I'm not sure why I feel like being in a relationship, when I know it is not a good place in my life for one. I cannot stop thinking about marriage and babies....hell, I always say I don't even want all that for like another 10 years. I'm too young right now. Maybe I am hanging out with too many old guys. Maybe I just need a boyfriend my own age! I have been single for too long and miss that connection and intimacy with someone...
I was gonna stay in tonight, but now I'm thinking about going out and drinking just to get my mind off him and back to reality aka my real life...
I met him at 2pm and we stayed the night. The first time we had sex almost as soon as I got there, but it was so good. I was very wet and he was doing me when I was facedown on the bed. He reached around and rubbed my clit while fucking me. It felt so good, I thought maybe I could reach an orgasm eventually that way. He tried to cum in my mouth but kinda missed...he was still hard afterwards so we kept going but he couldn't cum again so we stopped. After that we were hungry and went to Applebee's to eat.
Corey talked to his wife at least 3 times, which I tried not to hear except when he put her on speakerphone...I'm not sure why he thinks this is appropriate. Once was in the car and he didn't have much of a choice. The other time, we were using the hot tub in our room and he had to put her on speakerphone. He kissed me twice during it, but not passionately, so maybe it was just a weak assurance.
We also happened to do a bit of coke beforehand, since he discovered his boss had given it to him in a pack of cigs. This might have been a mistake since he had trouble getting it up and I couldn't get turned on at all. So it turned a bit awkward...we took a couple of breaks and we had sex twice more, but he wasn't cumming anytime soon, so we decided to stop and sleep/take a break.
I love cuddling with Corey, yet I know this crosses the casual sex boundary. I wonder if he cuddles and has this intimacy with his wife at him. He mentioned he usually sleeps on the couch because he doesn't like their bed. I hate that he calls her "wifey" so affectionately...but they ARE married.
We left the hotel at 8am. We had a quickie at about 7:45ish. I was getting dressed in my bra and panties and he was still lying in bed. Corey looked over at me and told me "you should get over here". I can't resist him. I went to him in the bed and climbed under the covers next to his naked body. Immediately he started caressing my ass, kissing me, and taking off my thong. I laid there in bliss as he fingered and licked me til I was wet enough. Then he climbed between my legs and slowly (because his cock is very generous in girth) eased his cock into me. He said he still had to cum in my mouth. He fucked me well for a few mins and then announced that he could cum. He pulled out and quickly climbed up my body and put his cock in my mouth as he came. I sucked and cleaned off his cock :)
I'm sure he felt this time wasn't as good as expected...he didn't text me til later the next night. I texted him back but he didn't text me back...the next morning I inquired if he got my text. He said he did, but he passed out after. For someone who always responds to me and always texts me a million times, I thought this was strange. So it kinda upset me. He asked how I was doing but I decided I wasn't in the mood to talk to him this weekend. Corey had mentioned on the phone with his wife that he wanted to go snowboarding this weekend because of all the snow. I hated finding out his wife's name and also their baby daughter's. Makes everything seem so much more real. Maybe this is why he always wants to meet during the week...not sure he could get away for a weekend.
Corey just texted me again, sending a lil wink. It makes me feel better that he is thinking about me, but this is all about sex. I don't want it to be. With Ryan, I don't care...I like him as a friend and also like having sex with him. With Corey, it is so different. I keep wondering what it would be like if we met under different circumstances, if he wasn't married, if he would ever leave his wife...all very dangerous categories. I must stop thinking this. Should I just keep seeing him and keep things casual? Should I slowly phase him out or cut him off?
I'm not sure why I feel like being in a relationship, when I know it is not a good place in my life for one. I cannot stop thinking about marriage and babies....hell, I always say I don't even want all that for like another 10 years. I'm too young right now. Maybe I am hanging out with too many old guys. Maybe I just need a boyfriend my own age! I have been single for too long and miss that connection and intimacy with someone...
I was gonna stay in tonight, but now I'm thinking about going out and drinking just to get my mind off him and back to reality aka my real life...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday afternoon
Bikram was good. Corey is being so cute, I feel so bad for not texting him back at all...especially since he just sent me a dirty pic. But I feel like I need to be by myself for at least til tomorrow.
Now I'm wondering if all the tricks in that movie The Ugly Truth really works. You ignore a guy, and he calls even more.
Couple hours after, nvm, he is getting sad I'm not texting back so I decided to force myself into a good mood. We are texting and chatting a lot...all day every day.
Now I'm wondering if all the tricks in that movie The Ugly Truth really works. You ignore a guy, and he calls even more.
Couple hours after, nvm, he is getting sad I'm not texting back so I decided to force myself into a good mood. We are texting and chatting a lot...all day every day.
Monday morning
Corey has texted me several times but I do not feel like answering...I don't want to depend on him to get over Andrew because well, he's already attached...like Andrew. I'm sure that he still likes his wife, even has sex sometimes, and they probably did it on NYE since she will have sex with him on special occasions. No use for that. Just don't want to get too emotional right now. Going to Bikram in a few to clear my mind, and hopefully get my life back on track.
Also seeing Ryan tomorrow. I'll be near his work getting my test spot for laser hair removal. I'm not looking forward to it now but I'm sure I will have fun with him when I actually do see him...just talking is so hard. xoxo
Also seeing Ryan tomorrow. I'll be near his work getting my test spot for laser hair removal. I'm not looking forward to it now but I'm sure I will have fun with him when I actually do see him...just talking is so hard. xoxo
Sunday night
Just found out Andrew is now in a relationship with her. I knew being friends on FB was not a good idea...I'm glad we aren't friends anymore. I really don't understand it, she is nowhere near attractive enough for him. I think I'm broken
.
I even texted Corey (and I hardly ever text boys first), but now I'm not sure I even wanna talk to him. I just wanna sleep, get some bikram in, and function somehow. How can I Be this sad? I need to be stronger.
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I even texted Corey (and I hardly ever text boys first), but now I'm not sure I even wanna talk to him. I just wanna sleep, get some bikram in, and function somehow. How can I Be this sad? I need to be stronger.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Saturday afternoon
I've got to introduce a new guy on AM...let's call him Corey. He lives 3 hours away but is not looking for someone local. I started talking to him about less than 2 weeks ago. His pics were hot...he was cute and gorgeous almost in a gay-boy-looking way, but I decided to give him a chance anyways. He was very sweet, nice to talk to, veryyy sexy body. After finding he played hockey in college and was very good (huge turn-on) and the very flattering comments he always gave me, Corey was proving to be pretty attractive. Plus he is quite successful, running a civil engineering firm at 31. He also has a daughter, about 1 year old, which made me feel a little guilty, but he still seemed like a good person.
I met him on Tuesday, about halfway between our 2 locations. We had a couple of drinks at the bar, and the conversation was great. He was very adorable, even cuter in person. I just remember seeing him shirtless in the hotel room after, with only his jeans on and looking yummy as hell.
I had told him I was on my period and we were not going to have sex the first time. But after about 4 hours of getting to know each other, and we didnt want to stop hanging out...he was gonna get a hotel room anyways, and he said we didn't have to do anything. There was no way I could drive, so it didn't take much to convince me.
We had sex 3 times in a row, all very good. Corey had told me his dick was a little above average. When I saw it in person, maybe it was that in length, but in girth it was huge! I think he liked me telling him it was big...I can't believe no girl has ever told him. He might have been the biggest guy, or the same width as S. It was larger than my wrist, and my wrist is 4.5 inches circumference. I knew S had told me he was a bit larger than 5.5 inches...
It was good, although it hurt a little due to his size. But Corey was very generous in oral and in playing with me, massaging me, even putting his tongue in my butt. I really do not want to do anal, and no matter how gross I think it is, a tongue there does not feel bad at all.
I wished he was more vocal...he didn't moan at all. But he came 3 times, once on my ass, once on my stomach, and once in m my mouth.
Corey and I cuddled all night, kissed and touched a lot. He told me he didn't sleep well ever, that he was never tired. He usually slept on the couch at home too, because he didn't think their bed was comfortable but that his wife likes it. I hate that I like that...I know it could mean nothing, I mean, he married this woman for a reason and it hasn't changed, but I knew it was starting to bother me that he was already wifed up.
We decided we weren't ready to sleep, so we found some porn to both watch and giggle at. He made me put on Katie Morgan after I had mentioned I met a girl with the same name. The next one he was had an asian in it. Then we watched some other one...during all this, he had been playing with my pussy, and also snuck a finger in my backdoor. He wasn't going at it hard or fast at all, which I really enjoyed--letting me feel everything and get use to it.
True to his word, he woke up maybe about 2 hours after we had fallen asleep for a while. He just walked up to the window for a sec and then came back to bed to me. But I had woken up enough to get horny. I put his soft dick in my mouth and after 3 secs it was hard. I rode him for a while, but I was getting sore so I stopped and told him. He was close to cumming but he said not to worry about it.
In the morning we had sex again, although he didn't finish because I was getting too sore. He still didn't care, he still kept touching me and wanting to fool around. I complained even his tongue was too rough for my clit so then he moved to my ass.
His wife called and he went outside to talk to her for a while, long while...he came back in and told me he needed to shower. We only 45 mins til checkout time so I started to get dressed. He came out as I was putting my boots on. The look on his face was so cute, and I wasn't sure at first but then he said "Why the hell do you have clothes on?" He grabbed one of my boots and tossed it aside. He grabbed my pants and underwear off, and they were stuck around the tops of my boots. he flipped me around and bent me over the bed, and started going down on me.
After a few mins, we stopped, and just laid there for a while, half-dressed, and talking. We checked out, and Corey drove me to my car. He joked about us just taking a vacation in that town for a few days...he dropped hints that he didn't have anywhere to be for while, but I was feeling guilty about his daughter, so I hesitated. We said goodbye and he really wants to see me again, and while I played coy about it, I really really wanted to see him again.
Maybe 20 mins into our respective drives, Corey texted me why didn't we get some lunch? and that he would have loved to hang out a bit longer at Applebee's.
We've talked a few times online since, cammed once, and hopefully see each other soon. He even offered to come here if I wanted...a 3 hour drive, each way. I was really sure he liked me, because he was very spoiling and kept telling me how attractive I was the whole time. He actually said, while we were kissing in bed, that I was too attractive. But he also said I was more attractive than the Kardashians...Khloe and Kourtney maybe, but definitely not Kim. So we just have different tastes in women, but I was glad he was so attracted to me. I really like Corey and wouldn't mind seeing him like, tonight, even, but I told him I could do Monday and he said maybe. It's tomorrow and he hasn't said anything else about it, so now I'm worried...I hate feeling like this, it means I LIKE this guy.
And I can't like Corey, but he's so great, I'm so jealous of his wife and cannot understand how she isn't attracted to him and doesn't realize how lucky and great of a guy is he? Our bartender was kinda cold, but Corey was trying to be nice to her, left her a big tip, and just generally is kind, treats people well, has a big heart, and is very positive. He can also cook and give good massages, and great and generous in bed. Also he is hot, an athlete and great body. So I hate that is he married, that he courted, and fell in love with this other woman. I can't feel like this so soon...I really need to think and distance myself a bit from him. It's too rash for me to just end things so suddenly, he would be suspicious and I'm not sure which direction these feelings are going to go anyways. But I do not like this feeling...I can only hope I can relax and go with the flow on this. I hate that I get antsy when he doesn't text me back quickly, when in the beginning, I had thought that maybe he texted a bit too much? I need to be casual, cool, about this, I don't want my emotions to get the best of me like it did with Andrew.
Corey is not so talkative tonight in texts, and its bothering me. I think I'm gonna go turn a movie and try not to think so much...
I met him on Tuesday, about halfway between our 2 locations. We had a couple of drinks at the bar, and the conversation was great. He was very adorable, even cuter in person. I just remember seeing him shirtless in the hotel room after, with only his jeans on and looking yummy as hell.
I had told him I was on my period and we were not going to have sex the first time. But after about 4 hours of getting to know each other, and we didnt want to stop hanging out...he was gonna get a hotel room anyways, and he said we didn't have to do anything. There was no way I could drive, so it didn't take much to convince me.
We had sex 3 times in a row, all very good. Corey had told me his dick was a little above average. When I saw it in person, maybe it was that in length, but in girth it was huge! I think he liked me telling him it was big...I can't believe no girl has ever told him. He might have been the biggest guy, or the same width as S. It was larger than my wrist, and my wrist is 4.5 inches circumference. I knew S had told me he was a bit larger than 5.5 inches...
It was good, although it hurt a little due to his size. But Corey was very generous in oral and in playing with me, massaging me, even putting his tongue in my butt. I really do not want to do anal, and no matter how gross I think it is, a tongue there does not feel bad at all.
I wished he was more vocal...he didn't moan at all. But he came 3 times, once on my ass, once on my stomach, and once in m my mouth.
Corey and I cuddled all night, kissed and touched a lot. He told me he didn't sleep well ever, that he was never tired. He usually slept on the couch at home too, because he didn't think their bed was comfortable but that his wife likes it. I hate that I like that...I know it could mean nothing, I mean, he married this woman for a reason and it hasn't changed, but I knew it was starting to bother me that he was already wifed up.
We decided we weren't ready to sleep, so we found some porn to both watch and giggle at. He made me put on Katie Morgan after I had mentioned I met a girl with the same name. The next one he was had an asian in it. Then we watched some other one...during all this, he had been playing with my pussy, and also snuck a finger in my backdoor. He wasn't going at it hard or fast at all, which I really enjoyed--letting me feel everything and get use to it.
True to his word, he woke up maybe about 2 hours after we had fallen asleep for a while. He just walked up to the window for a sec and then came back to bed to me. But I had woken up enough to get horny. I put his soft dick in my mouth and after 3 secs it was hard. I rode him for a while, but I was getting sore so I stopped and told him. He was close to cumming but he said not to worry about it.
In the morning we had sex again, although he didn't finish because I was getting too sore. He still didn't care, he still kept touching me and wanting to fool around. I complained even his tongue was too rough for my clit so then he moved to my ass.
His wife called and he went outside to talk to her for a while, long while...he came back in and told me he needed to shower. We only 45 mins til checkout time so I started to get dressed. He came out as I was putting my boots on. The look on his face was so cute, and I wasn't sure at first but then he said "Why the hell do you have clothes on?" He grabbed one of my boots and tossed it aside. He grabbed my pants and underwear off, and they were stuck around the tops of my boots. he flipped me around and bent me over the bed, and started going down on me.
After a few mins, we stopped, and just laid there for a while, half-dressed, and talking. We checked out, and Corey drove me to my car. He joked about us just taking a vacation in that town for a few days...he dropped hints that he didn't have anywhere to be for while, but I was feeling guilty about his daughter, so I hesitated. We said goodbye and he really wants to see me again, and while I played coy about it, I really really wanted to see him again.
Maybe 20 mins into our respective drives, Corey texted me why didn't we get some lunch? and that he would have loved to hang out a bit longer at Applebee's.
We've talked a few times online since, cammed once, and hopefully see each other soon. He even offered to come here if I wanted...a 3 hour drive, each way. I was really sure he liked me, because he was very spoiling and kept telling me how attractive I was the whole time. He actually said, while we were kissing in bed, that I was too attractive. But he also said I was more attractive than the Kardashians...Khloe and Kourtney maybe, but definitely not Kim. So we just have different tastes in women, but I was glad he was so attracted to me. I really like Corey and wouldn't mind seeing him like, tonight, even, but I told him I could do Monday and he said maybe. It's tomorrow and he hasn't said anything else about it, so now I'm worried...I hate feeling like this, it means I LIKE this guy.
And I can't like Corey, but he's so great, I'm so jealous of his wife and cannot understand how she isn't attracted to him and doesn't realize how lucky and great of a guy is he? Our bartender was kinda cold, but Corey was trying to be nice to her, left her a big tip, and just generally is kind, treats people well, has a big heart, and is very positive. He can also cook and give good massages, and great and generous in bed. Also he is hot, an athlete and great body. So I hate that is he married, that he courted, and fell in love with this other woman. I can't feel like this so soon...I really need to think and distance myself a bit from him. It's too rash for me to just end things so suddenly, he would be suspicious and I'm not sure which direction these feelings are going to go anyways. But I do not like this feeling...I can only hope I can relax and go with the flow on this. I hate that I get antsy when he doesn't text me back quickly, when in the beginning, I had thought that maybe he texted a bit too much? I need to be casual, cool, about this, I don't want my emotions to get the best of me like it did with Andrew.
Corey is not so talkative tonight in texts, and its bothering me. I think I'm gonna go turn a movie and try not to think so much...
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