HNT special edition part II

Here is another one of me and Ryan:

So, sex at movies went well...although I lost my phone!! :(  I never really believe in karma but maybe its retribution for hooking up with married guys??!!?  Oh well...Ryan felt bad and offered me his phone since he is up for an upgrade.

We actually managed to have sex twice before the movie was over.  The hottest part was when I laid down on a row of seats, put my head in his lap, and you-know ;)

HNT special edition

Going to the movies with Ryan later today :P

Here is a pic we took together...

Only going to be temporarily, but he just loves this lapdance position.

A busy sex life

  I had one of the best times with Ryan ever last night.  We had a bunch of hot sex, talked, chilled, drank, and ate sushi.

Although the previous time, we had talked about some things that bothered me.  Ryan admitted he wasn't entirely truthful in the beginning with me.  Not anything big, but he lied about the number of women he had been with outside of his marriage.  It wasn't a huge difference and he said he didn't want to seem like a manwhore.  I wasn't really bothered by the dishonesty because it doesn't really matter to me how many women he's been with--although he also told me he hasn't been with anyone else since he met me--or who he wants fuck now.  But I did give him a really hard time about it because we like to tease each other about everything.

He also described me as "promiscuous", which I acted a little offended.  While I don't believe I am--I think I am just like most college girls, have hooked up randomly but not a while lot--I still don't want to be thought of as that.  I kinda think Ryan is a bit of a prude!  By the time he was 21, he had only been with 3 girls.  Now I compare all my guy friends and their numbers are WAY higher, like 30 not 3....so maybe it's a generation thing?!?  Ryan is like 9 years older than me, and he got married young and tried to stay faithful for  a couple of years.

But anyways, after I brought up these 2 points, I think he was trying to be extra nice to me.  He kept putting his arm around me and trying to cuddle with me, but I acted like I was too ticklish and pushed him away.  While I don't mind cuddling, it might be awkward and I like the friendship thing we have.  I'm sure he doesn't feel anything other than that, but he kept saying how he wasn't getting emotional and that we have a friendship...hmmm I wonder why he was so insistent?  Then he was also having doubts about our swingers club/sex club adventures.  He said he does really want to try 3somes, moresomes, and other sex club stuff, but basically admitted he would get jealous if he saw me take another guy's dick in my mouth.  I jokingly told him we could do 4-way oral with the other couple so no one gets left out.  He seemed ok with that LOL

Since his wife was out of town this week, he didn't have a curfew and didn't seem in any hurry to leave unlike other times before.  It was almost 3am before I told him I had to go.  We had gone a couple of rounds and we were both tired.  I can tell when Ryan is tired because he gets this look like he's stoned.  I think he hintd at wanting to stay the night--he said he brought a change of clothes for work the next day, since we had been drinking--but didn't outright say he wanted me to stay with him, so I decided my own bed would be better.  I'm not sure what would've happened if we had stayed the night....but I didn't want my roommates to think something was suspect with me.

Now the hotel room we got this time was cool.  One wall was a closet, but the outside of this giant closet was mirrors, so it was like having a wall of mirrors next to the bed.
He teased me for a while before he finally put his mouth on my pussy, so I teased him even longer when it was his turn.  I kept just licking the shaft of his cock and the head.  I pressed open-mouthed kisses all along it, but wouldn't take it fully into my mouth.  I could tell he wanted me to suck it so bad because he kept arching his hips to try to shove his cock into my mouth, but I had pretty good control.  I wasn't going to do it until he begged for it.  Finally, he says "No more teasing", so I take him into my mouth,  moving my lips up and down, deepthroating him til I gagged.
Then I got on my knees and he started to fuck me hard.  I looked over to the side and saw us in the mirror...I could see his cock going in and out of me.  He took a video of this too ;)
Ryan loves watching me on top, so after a bit I got on top of him and rode him.  I figured out that he really likes it when I grind back and forth against him, so I did this until he came.
Later we fucked again with me on top, but with my back to the mirror, so I could look behind and see me sitting on his cock.

It looked like this (but without the other guy).  It was by far the hottest image of the night.  Once again, I rode and grinded against him until he came.  He said I look like the hottest thing when I am on top of him.

A night of firsts

It's Monday, I'm snowed in, I don't feel like doing any homework so I will write about Friday night ;)

Ryan and I went to the sex club we had heard about.  It was a lingerie party, so he bought some special underwear and I wore a tiny leopard & lace bra & undies set.

We met up at a strip club beforehand, to drink a little and 'get in the mood'.  Neither of us have ever done anything like this so we were both nervous, thus the drinking and chilling for a bit.  He got there first and got a booth.  Of course as soon as I walked in, I saw a stripper go over and start flirting with him.  I know that is her job, but I'm sure she thought Ryan was quite the prize since he is very cute, tall and has a very nice body.  She looked pretty disappointed when I showed up though!

It took us a while to find the sex club since it was literally in the middle of nowhere.  But it ended up being in a very nice mansion.  The bottom floor looked like a normal house, with a bar and lounges to hang out around.  Upstairs there were 4 rooms.  One had sex toys in it (sybian, cross, etc).  One was the group orgy room with a giant round bed in the middle.  There was a solo room.  The last room was also a group room, but it had 2 sections.  One section had a giant bed separated by curtains, so it became 3 beds in one.

After we had drank a little downstairs and talked to a few of the other couples (it was a small party, there was only 4 other couples), both of us were getting really horny.  It had been a while since we had seen each other, and all the sex talk definitely had us feeling frisky.  The other couples teased us for being new.  We didn't tell anyone that we were just friends, when people asked how long we had been together, Ryan said a few months.  I said about 3-4 months when someone asked me.

Anyways, we snuck out and went upstairs.  We looked at all the rooms again, but decided to go into the group room with the 3 connecting beds.  We took the middle one and started making out.  I took his 9-inch cock into my mouth, sucking on the top and swirling my tongue around the shaft.  I tried to deepthroat him but he is so big I could only do it for a few seconds.  I could hear his heavy breathing, and I know Ryan loves my bj skills :)  Then I climbed up his body and positioned my pussy over his face.  Both of us had wanted to try this for a while now, so it was very hot.  Ryan later told me it really turned him on.  I rubbed my pussy all over his face while he licked at me and stuck a finger inside as well.  I loved it, but I was anxious to feel him inside me.  I got off and turned around so I could mount him reverse cowgirl-style.  He loves to watch my butt as I work  my pussy on his cock...we stayed in this position until Ryan flipped me over and fucked me doggy-style.  Maybe it was the drinking in combination of the atmosphere, but he fucked me so hard.  We were both so horny and so hot for each other that it didn't hurt me at all (sometimes his size can hurt me).  From doggy, we switched to me on top, regular style.  I think at this point, some of the others heard us and came upstairs to watch.   I was very wet and horny, and riding him like crazy.  He got a little soft because he was nervous about people watching us, but we worked through it.  After I vigorously bounced on his cock, he flipped me over again, put my legs over his shoulders and fucked me until he came.

It was definitely one of the hottest sessions we've ever had, if not the hottest.  I would've loved to stay and play some more, but since the sex club was an hour away, we had to leave pretty soon.  We chilled and talked with the other couples for a little bit afterwards, while Ryan gave me a butt & thigh massagge (he owed me).   We saw 1 other couple going at it, and other couple where the girl was giving head to the guy.   It was definitely an interesting experience, but I think Ryan was disappointed that there were not more couples and more attractive people, but he said he had a lot of fun with me.  He is usually not a very affectionate person (we have never cuddled or anything), but since we were pretending to be together, he was a little more affectionate. I think at one point in the night, we even held hands.  It was nice, but it really just made me miss Corey.

Nevertheless, it was a fun and new experience.  Ryan's wife is going out of town this week, so we will probably get together again ;)

Happy Valentine's Day

I'm working on a post about Corey and what happened there for later.  For now, it's Valentine's Day!  I think more people hate this holiday than not, and yes, a boyfriend would be rather nice today but since I don't have one, I will enjoy it with my girl friends and myself :)

Ryan told me last night he was going to send me a vday present.  This morning I got a video of him jerking off :)  Something that I have been asking from him for a while now...(he can be a bit shy sometimes lol)

Happy Valentine's Day lovers!!!! xoxoxxoxo

Some hot conversation...

Came home drunk from the bar the other night...I had been texting Ryan earlier in the day, and of course, when I got drunk, I got horny.  I told him we needed to meet again soon, and he said next week sometime.  By the time I came home, I had promised to webcam for him.

He loves my perky tits so I played with them and my nipples for a while.  I was very intoxicated and pretty much willing to do anything he was telling me.  I started playing with my pussy and fingering myself while he jerked off.  Here is some of our conversation...;)

Ryan: so fucking hot!!!!
Ryan: wow, i want u
Ryan: put your fingers in
Ryan: so hot, i love your pink pussy!
Ryan: ohhh, i wish that was my finger
Me: i want u to fuck me pretty badly
Ryan: your pussy really gets me turned on
Ryan: its all i can think about is sliding inside of you right now
Ryan: i wanna feel your warm juicy pussy
Ryan: how many fingers can you comfortable put?

Ryan: how would u want it right now?
Me: your cock in my mouth
Ryan: u are fucking unbelievable at that!
Me: really?
Ryan: i love it, u cant tell?
Ryan: i will admit, you have the hottest pussy ive ever fucked!

He came a few minutes after that :)

The last thing he said before he went to bed:  okay, your not even here, and you wore me out.  lots of hard spankings for you next time.  good night, and yes i do owe you, so think of something to repay my debt for you getting me off

Help me think of something!!

Superbowl bets and sex

Saw Ryan yesterday.

The day before was the Superbowl.  We decided to make a bet on the game and we were texting back and forth.  We both wanted sex in a public place, and I won, so I decided on a movie theater.  Of course he did not really lose out ;)  He really liked the idea so I am excited...I haven't made out in a movie theater in a long time and there is something really sexy about being in the dark with other people around but unable to see you.

Time with Ryan was great and fun.  He picked me up and we went to a hotel nearby (my car is in the shop).

We just drank and chilled and talked for a while.  Eventually he kissed me and we started making out.  I opened his pants and he started to undress me as well.  He went down on me first, teasing me, tongue on my clit and fingers in my pussy.  I get sooo wet during head.  Then I told him it was his turn.  His cock is big, but I learned how to deepthroat it last time, so I was doing it quite a lot this time.  He was breathing heavily and after a few minutes, put on a condom.  I got on all fours and he took me from behind, hard.  Then he stopped because he said he didn't want to cum yet.  So we fucked in a variety of positions before I was finally on top and started riding and grinding against him.  He sat up and sucked my nipples while I held onto the bed frame and bounced u[ and down on his cock.  When, he came, he told me how hot my body looked riding him on top.

Afterwards, he got cleaned up, gave me a massage, we hung out for a little while longer.  Eventually I got horny again and he pulled me closer to him, we started making out.  I wanted his nice big cock in my mouth so bad, so I scooted down his body, pulled down his boxers and took his soft penis in my mouth.  After a few strokes, it was hard.  I told him to get a condom out and he did, putting it in.  He got out of bed and positioned me at the edge of the bed, licked my pussy a few times, and plunged his cock in.  I put my fingers down there so I could feel his cock going in and  out of me.  So hot...

This was a shorter session, but we had to leave soon.  Ryan dropped me off at home and later texted me that I was extra hot that day ;)

With Ryan it is so easy, it really is just sex...I don't think we've ever even cuddled but I don't mind.  I usually love cuddling, but we have such a casual thing going on, it would just be weird.  With Corey, we're never NOT cuddling.  And although the sex with Ryan is good and fun, the sex with Corey is AMAZING.  It just feels so good because I really like him and he like(d?) me and we have such a chemistry...casual sex is fun but will never be as fulfilling as being with someone you care for...

Are you lonesome tonight?

Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

-Elvis Presley

It's too painful to go into all the details, but I confronted Corey about the AM thing.  He said he was turning it off...we talked a little more about our situation.  He said something that really resonated with me: that he just wanted to spend as much time as humanly possible with his daughter. 

I realize I can't keep holding onto him or asking him to see me, because I'd be taking time away from his daughter.  I feel so selfish, and guilty.  I told him he was right. 

He must've thought we were going to be ok, because he started talking to me normally, like nothing was wrong, just making small talk.

But I think it's over. 

The fact that he hardly ever talks to me anymore because he's so "torn" between me and his family shows what his decision is going to be...

I don't think he knows it's over but maybe he does...maybe we'll never talk or see each other again, and maybe as of now we are forever gone from each others' lives.

Ryan has been asking to get together.  I am going to see  him later today.  Hopefully it will cheer me up.

Ashley Madison Stalking

Since Corey's wife caught him, he has been super careful.  He turned off his AM profile right away and I thought he was probably done with the whole thing since he had said he would stop cheating after me.  Well, I logged on today and just clicked on his profile out of curiosity, and it was turned back on! He had logged on a day ago.  Maybe he is just looking for curiously reasons.  I know I still look all the time even though I don't want anyone else...

I know we agreed to be not exclusive and he knows I was seeing a guy before I met him, but he kept telling me he wasn't really looking for anyone else, and that I was exactly what he was looking for.  Besides what he also said: he wouldn't cheat on his wife if it wasn't for me.  I do not want to jump to conclusions here, but doesn't it seem a little strange that he is telling me he's so torn about choosing me or his family, and that it's because he really likes me?  He told me yesterday the situation is so hard for him because he "actually likes me which is why he is having such a hard time"

Corey is such a nice guy that it is really hard for me to believe he is lying to me or is trying to play me.   I realize I cannot trust someone who I have witnessed cheating on and lying to his wife.  If he had her fooled, it's certainly a possibility I have been fooled as well.  But he is nothing but sweet and I understand his dilemma--well since I caused it--I'm just too understanding of other people.

I'm sure I won't hear from him for a while since he can only talk at work and it's the weekend.  But this is definitely something I will bring up.

Other thing...I thought he wasn't talking to me for days but he sent me a text on Tuesday that I didn't get it until THURSDAY.  Made for a very confusing conversation.  He had said he sent me a couple random texts too and never heard from me.  I would kinda sound crazy if I accused him of lying, especially since he seemed genuinely confused when I texted him back on Thursday.

And a question/poll for my readers:  how often do you converse with a lover?  On other blogs, it seems some people go days without talking.  But I think Corey spoiled me too early on by talking to me everyday.

My first HNT

Decisions

I am the worst decision maker.  I never think the consequences through and even when I do, I usually still make the choice I know is wrong, but it's always the choice I really wanted.  I wonder if it makes me a coward or pathetic.  While realistically, I know I can do better and find other available non-married men who would happily lavish attention on me, I still want Corey.  I still want to wait for him; here's the story lately...

On Monday he finally texted me.  We talked some talk for a bit and we both apologized for the other night.  He didn't seem to think anything was wrong after that, but a few minutes into our conversation, he could tell I wasn't talking much.  I told him maybe we really shouldn't see each other anymore.  I told him my friends found out (which they did, but not the whole story) and it made me feel guilty and uncomfortable.  The truth was, I got scared when he stopped talking to me, even though it was only for a few days.  Which just shows how crazy I am about him.

Corey then asked me if I was sure I didn't want to talk to him anymore.  I asked why he still wanted to.  I told him eventually he will get caught again.  Finally  he admitted I was right.  I asked what changed his mind.  He said it was me not wanting to...

I said that I didnt want to ask for his time when I knew I would be taking him away from his family.  I said I didn't want to cause any trouble.  He says he is unsure as well and that we probably shouldn't see each other but..."I really don't want to end things."
I asked him, "If you're unsure, then why are we doing this?"  (Last week, his answer was "yes, absolutely" when I asked if he still wanted to see me)
"I know that I have a fucking great time with you and I can actually be myself..."
"Is that enough to continue this?"
"I don't know...I really like seeing you.  What are you thinking?"
"I can't convince you of anything but I don't think I wanna give you up."

We talked about the sex between us and our chemistry.  He said the sex was amazing but he didn't want to lose his family in the end.  He asked me if the sex was that good for me.  I told him yes, but that our compatibility was a huge factor as well, I like hanging out and talking to him too.
He said, "Our compatibility is what's so addictive to me too."
I asked if he would start being faithful if we ended things.  He said he really thinks he would.  I asked if that was his decision.  Once again, "I don't know...I'm seriously torn...I really like you and our chemistry but I can't stand the thought of losing my family."

I told Corey I didn't want to cause trouble for him but that I just miss him.  He said that goes both ways.  A few minutes later, he was leaving work and called me.  I was about to go out to dinner so I couldn't talk long.  I asked him what else we needed to talk about.  It was his decision to make and I was just waiting.  He said that he really didn't want what to talk about but that he just wanted to say hi.  Since I had to go, he said he would just call me tomorrow.

And no, he didn't call me Tuesday at all.  And now it's Wednesday.

I cannot wait for other people.  It's just not in my nature.  Maybe it's my pride or ego or insecurity, but I hate the anxiety, the worry, the ridiculous thoughts.  I need to stop.  I miss Corey before all this happened, when he texted me a million times a day and made me feel really wanted.  And now I need to find someone who does make me feel that way.  He's acting like he's losing interest in me and I don't need that.  But I also don't want to bitch him out because I know he is busy with work, he had told me it was really busy and stressful and that everyone hated him.  So I'll let it be, and try not to fuck up anything.  (I still partially believe that I "fucked with a good thing" by the other night)

The thing is, I also don't want to lose him until I find someone else to hold my interest...
Maybe I should act casual and distance myself from him.  This is how I was in the beginning, and I feel like I fell too fast...maybe I just need to bring myself out, enjoy other parts of my life and not focus so much on Corey anymore.  I can't make any more moves or put myself out there anymore because it is a disaster every time.  But who knows?  Maybe he'll tell me his decision is to not see me anymore. Either way, he can direct this relationship but I will no longer have my walls down.