Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Change is the only constant in life
Corey update:
In every relationship/affair, there comes a point where the pattern of communication changes, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. Corey calls me almost everyday, texts me a million times a day, but since almost getting caught, it has definitely changed. I hate sounding paranoid, especially since Corey owes nothing to me and everything to his wife. His wife stopped talking to him about the issue, even though we are both sure she knows exactly what is going on and is just not going to say anything more because a) she cheated first and b) they have to stay together for their daughter.
This is the first time it is happened. Corey said he would call me yesterday morning and he didn't. He ended up calling later (after I called him) and said he totally forgot bc his secretary called in sick and he got stuck with a bunch of stuff to do. He didn't call me today either. I texted him a little while ago, and while he answers, he seems a little distant and not as talkative as he usually is.
So am I being paranoid or just an attention whore? I don't want to make a big deal if it's nothing and I don't want to mess up a good thing. I always worry when a guy pays a lot of attention to me in the beginning and then it seems to fade. It's like I want to keep making sure he is still into me. I hate feeling like this, but I am afraid at any moment Corey can change his mind about seeing me in order to save his marriage. My situation hasn't changed at all, so I am the one left alone in the end. It feels like we are getting farther apart while we should be closer...
Ryan update:
I didn't know who else to talk to (I am a single girl and I don't know a lot of married people who are having affairs) so I told Ryan the drama with Corey and almost getting caught. He thinks Corey may like me too much--which is not a bad thing. Ryan would never put his marriage at so much risk. At the first sign, he would stop talking to me and start trying to be faithful to his wife. But he told me not to believe everything Corey says, which I don't, since I cannot except someone who is lying to his wife to always be honest with me. But lying is another topic....
Ryan and I have been looking into sex clubs and swingers club. Not sure if I wanna swap or even do a 3some, but I really wanna watch and be watched. He found an online directory-type site and made an account. I went on it yesterday and looked through some of the profiles. There is some potential there, I think, so I am feeling a lil bit excited :)
In every relationship/affair, there comes a point where the pattern of communication changes, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. Corey calls me almost everyday, texts me a million times a day, but since almost getting caught, it has definitely changed. I hate sounding paranoid, especially since Corey owes nothing to me and everything to his wife. His wife stopped talking to him about the issue, even though we are both sure she knows exactly what is going on and is just not going to say anything more because a) she cheated first and b) they have to stay together for their daughter.
This is the first time it is happened. Corey said he would call me yesterday morning and he didn't. He ended up calling later (after I called him) and said he totally forgot bc his secretary called in sick and he got stuck with a bunch of stuff to do. He didn't call me today either. I texted him a little while ago, and while he answers, he seems a little distant and not as talkative as he usually is.
So am I being paranoid or just an attention whore? I don't want to make a big deal if it's nothing and I don't want to mess up a good thing. I always worry when a guy pays a lot of attention to me in the beginning and then it seems to fade. It's like I want to keep making sure he is still into me. I hate feeling like this, but I am afraid at any moment Corey can change his mind about seeing me in order to save his marriage. My situation hasn't changed at all, so I am the one left alone in the end. It feels like we are getting farther apart while we should be closer...
Ryan update:
I didn't know who else to talk to (I am a single girl and I don't know a lot of married people who are having affairs) so I told Ryan the drama with Corey and almost getting caught. He thinks Corey may like me too much--which is not a bad thing. Ryan would never put his marriage at so much risk. At the first sign, he would stop talking to me and start trying to be faithful to his wife. But he told me not to believe everything Corey says, which I don't, since I cannot except someone who is lying to his wife to always be honest with me. But lying is another topic....
Ryan and I have been looking into sex clubs and swingers club. Not sure if I wanna swap or even do a 3some, but I really wanna watch and be watched. He found an online directory-type site and made an account. I went on it yesterday and looked through some of the profiles. There is some potential there, I think, so I am feeling a lil bit excited :)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday night
I have not been able to talk to Corey much this weekend, but other things going on in my personal life have been distracting me so this has not upset me too much.
I reread some of the emails and chats we had, and I feel like I still need to from time to time just to remind myself that he has a wife, who he probably still loves, since he is not planning on leaving her. He just says he will try hard to stay with her and continue along this path that is his only option. But it makes me sad, especially when I read other blogs and try to understand how married men can love their wives but still care for a lover.
Next week, it’s Corey’s daughter’s first birthday. So I doubt I will see him…but hopefully the week later we can plan something. Before Corey left last time, he asked when I had free time again.
I reread some of the emails and chats we had, and I feel like I still need to from time to time just to remind myself that he has a wife, who he probably still loves, since he is not planning on leaving her. He just says he will try hard to stay with her and continue along this path that is his only option. But it makes me sad, especially when I read other blogs and try to understand how married men can love their wives but still care for a lover.
Next week, it’s Corey’s daughter’s first birthday. So I doubt I will see him…but hopefully the week later we can plan something. Before Corey left last time, he asked when I had free time again.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
More time with Corey
Have not written in a while because I have been busy and happy. Well as happy as I can be seeing a married man. Corey texted me the next day (Wednesday), and said something that he thought I was busy or didn't want to hear from him. I told him of course I wanted to and we resumed our multiple texts a day.
Last Saturday night I had gone out to the bar and was texting Corey at the time. He jokingly suggested I booty call someone that night since we had both been horny and missing each other. I went along with it at first, but the further it went, the more upset I got. I understand he may not be the jealous type, since he said he didn't care if his wife slept with someone else, but I do not like sharing sexual adventures with my other lovers. I was drunk and started being bitchy. Fortunately, it did not turn that bad since he is just too nice and I couldn't be mean to him anyways. He finally said he was joking the entire time, that he knew I was probably seeing other guys since we both said at the beginning there were other people. But he said the idea of me with other guys does not turn him on, but it doesn't bother him. He agreed with me when I said we just shouldn't talk about it, even if we do see other people. And although he says it doesn't bother him that I see other people, he isn't looking for anyone else and hasn't been with anyone else since we first hooked up. By morning I had become reasonable and he didn't seem upset, just worried about me, so I told him I still didn't want things to end. He replied that he could have talked to me all night but knew I had to work all day the next day. That made me smile but now I don't know what to think. I guess it shouldn't matter because we are just having fun, right? But I want him to want only me and not want me to see other people....I know he would never ask me that or even indicate that was ever a problem because he knows he is married and cannot ask too much of me, only that the more we see each other, the better.
Later that day, Corey called me. He asked about my work schedule next week and the one free day I had, he offered to come see me. He had mentioned this before, although I think it is a little ridiculous for him to drive 3 hours to see me. He came on Wednesday and stayed for a few hours during the day. I would've tried to get him to stay longer but it was bath night for his 12-month-old. I love hearing him talk about her but it also makes me sad because he has a family with his wife now.
Corey has called me a few times on the phone now when he is driving, and I have to say it is much better than texting. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that we both hated texting during Saturday night bc it's too hard to argue/fight over texting, in fact, it just makes it worse. Corey also called me yesterday morning, and had mentioned that he is going to a hockey tournament in a large city about 3-4 hours from the both of us in April. He said I should come party. I think maybe this means he wants me to go? Although I am not sure how realistic this is since he will be with his friends. So I hope this texting and calling thing continues consistently....April may be fun.
Ryan has been gone this past week due to a business trip. He texted me last night that he was coming back today. I know he will probably want to see me, but the connection we have is nothing compared to what I have with Corey. I do not really have a desire to see him anymore, he is nice and fun, but a bit boring. Not sure it is going to end though.
Last Saturday night I had gone out to the bar and was texting Corey at the time. He jokingly suggested I booty call someone that night since we had both been horny and missing each other. I went along with it at first, but the further it went, the more upset I got. I understand he may not be the jealous type, since he said he didn't care if his wife slept with someone else, but I do not like sharing sexual adventures with my other lovers. I was drunk and started being bitchy. Fortunately, it did not turn that bad since he is just too nice and I couldn't be mean to him anyways. He finally said he was joking the entire time, that he knew I was probably seeing other guys since we both said at the beginning there were other people. But he said the idea of me with other guys does not turn him on, but it doesn't bother him. He agreed with me when I said we just shouldn't talk about it, even if we do see other people. And although he says it doesn't bother him that I see other people, he isn't looking for anyone else and hasn't been with anyone else since we first hooked up. By morning I had become reasonable and he didn't seem upset, just worried about me, so I told him I still didn't want things to end. He replied that he could have talked to me all night but knew I had to work all day the next day. That made me smile but now I don't know what to think. I guess it shouldn't matter because we are just having fun, right? But I want him to want only me and not want me to see other people....I know he would never ask me that or even indicate that was ever a problem because he knows he is married and cannot ask too much of me, only that the more we see each other, the better.
Later that day, Corey called me. He asked about my work schedule next week and the one free day I had, he offered to come see me. He had mentioned this before, although I think it is a little ridiculous for him to drive 3 hours to see me. He came on Wednesday and stayed for a few hours during the day. I would've tried to get him to stay longer but it was bath night for his 12-month-old. I love hearing him talk about her but it also makes me sad because he has a family with his wife now.
Corey has called me a few times on the phone now when he is driving, and I have to say it is much better than texting. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that we both hated texting during Saturday night bc it's too hard to argue/fight over texting, in fact, it just makes it worse. Corey also called me yesterday morning, and had mentioned that he is going to a hockey tournament in a large city about 3-4 hours from the both of us in April. He said I should come party. I think maybe this means he wants me to go? Although I am not sure how realistic this is since he will be with his friends. So I hope this texting and calling thing continues consistently....April may be fun.
Ryan has been gone this past week due to a business trip. He texted me last night that he was coming back today. I know he will probably want to see me, but the connection we have is nothing compared to what I have with Corey. I do not really have a desire to see him anymore, he is nice and fun, but a bit boring. Not sure it is going to end though.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday morning
I haven't heard from Corey since the little wink smiley face he sent me on Saturday evening. I even went to work on Sunday without taking my phone, totally expecting to come home to a text from him but nothing. It's Monday and he usually texts me good morning (last week he did almost every day) but still haven't heard from him. I know this is ridiculous considering he did text me last..it's my turn to respond. But he usually always texts me so much. I don't want that to stop because last time wasn't as good or he thinks he has me wrapped around his finger already.
I still do not like Andrew and his new gf. But I'm getting over it. Refraining from looking at facebook. I've been trying to list the pros and cons, maybe only stick to the cons....short, not nice body, I can do better, etc...
Although I miss Corey I still can't help but keep thinking about him and his wife, how he thinks she is a great woman and doesn't plan on leaving her even given their situation. She cheated on him a couple of years ago and he didn't even care. He says it's ok if she can find someone to spice up her life since the sex between them is not good and awkward...but that he is going to do the same and they are never going to discuss it. It seems like he just wants an open marriage. Is he that type of guy? I don't think I could ever ever be that type of person...
Ryan wants to meet up again. He is leaving on a business trip next Tuesday for a week so he wants to see me before then. I told him maybe this Thursday or Friday.
I still do not like Andrew and his new gf. But I'm getting over it. Refraining from looking at facebook. I've been trying to list the pros and cons, maybe only stick to the cons....short, not nice body, I can do better, etc...
Although I miss Corey I still can't help but keep thinking about him and his wife, how he thinks she is a great woman and doesn't plan on leaving her even given their situation. She cheated on him a couple of years ago and he didn't even care. He says it's ok if she can find someone to spice up her life since the sex between them is not good and awkward...but that he is going to do the same and they are never going to discuss it. It seems like he just wants an open marriage. Is he that type of guy? I don't think I could ever ever be that type of person...
Ryan wants to meet up again. He is leaving on a business trip next Tuesday for a week so he wants to see me before then. I told him maybe this Thursday or Friday.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Saturday afternoon
I went and met up with Corey again on Wednesday. I think I might've had high expectations this time because of how much fun we had last time...it wasn't a bad time at all, but it wasn't that great. I still really like him, I just expected to get closer and closer...but not sure that is going to be the case. He talks about his wife about, and talks to her on the phone a lot.
I met him at 2pm and we stayed the night. The first time we had sex almost as soon as I got there, but it was so good. I was very wet and he was doing me when I was facedown on the bed. He reached around and rubbed my clit while fucking me. It felt so good, I thought maybe I could reach an orgasm eventually that way. He tried to cum in my mouth but kinda missed...he was still hard afterwards so we kept going but he couldn't cum again so we stopped. After that we were hungry and went to Applebee's to eat.
Corey talked to his wife at least 3 times, which I tried not to hear except when he put her on speakerphone...I'm not sure why he thinks this is appropriate. Once was in the car and he didn't have much of a choice. The other time, we were using the hot tub in our room and he had to put her on speakerphone. He kissed me twice during it, but not passionately, so maybe it was just a weak assurance.
We also happened to do a bit of coke beforehand, since he discovered his boss had given it to him in a pack of cigs. This might have been a mistake since he had trouble getting it up and I couldn't get turned on at all. So it turned a bit awkward...we took a couple of breaks and we had sex twice more, but he wasn't cumming anytime soon, so we decided to stop and sleep/take a break.
I love cuddling with Corey, yet I know this crosses the casual sex boundary. I wonder if he cuddles and has this intimacy with his wife at him. He mentioned he usually sleeps on the couch because he doesn't like their bed. I hate that he calls her "wifey" so affectionately...but they ARE married.
We left the hotel at 8am. We had a quickie at about 7:45ish. I was getting dressed in my bra and panties and he was still lying in bed. Corey looked over at me and told me "you should get over here". I can't resist him. I went to him in the bed and climbed under the covers next to his naked body. Immediately he started caressing my ass, kissing me, and taking off my thong. I laid there in bliss as he fingered and licked me til I was wet enough. Then he climbed between my legs and slowly (because his cock is very generous in girth) eased his cock into me. He said he still had to cum in my mouth. He fucked me well for a few mins and then announced that he could cum. He pulled out and quickly climbed up my body and put his cock in my mouth as he came. I sucked and cleaned off his cock :)
I'm sure he felt this time wasn't as good as expected...he didn't text me til later the next night. I texted him back but he didn't text me back...the next morning I inquired if he got my text. He said he did, but he passed out after. For someone who always responds to me and always texts me a million times, I thought this was strange. So it kinda upset me. He asked how I was doing but I decided I wasn't in the mood to talk to him this weekend. Corey had mentioned on the phone with his wife that he wanted to go snowboarding this weekend because of all the snow. I hated finding out his wife's name and also their baby daughter's. Makes everything seem so much more real. Maybe this is why he always wants to meet during the week...not sure he could get away for a weekend.
Corey just texted me again, sending a lil wink. It makes me feel better that he is thinking about me, but this is all about sex. I don't want it to be. With Ryan, I don't care...I like him as a friend and also like having sex with him. With Corey, it is so different. I keep wondering what it would be like if we met under different circumstances, if he wasn't married, if he would ever leave his wife...all very dangerous categories. I must stop thinking this. Should I just keep seeing him and keep things casual? Should I slowly phase him out or cut him off?
I'm not sure why I feel like being in a relationship, when I know it is not a good place in my life for one. I cannot stop thinking about marriage and babies....hell, I always say I don't even want all that for like another 10 years. I'm too young right now. Maybe I am hanging out with too many old guys. Maybe I just need a boyfriend my own age! I have been single for too long and miss that connection and intimacy with someone...
I was gonna stay in tonight, but now I'm thinking about going out and drinking just to get my mind off him and back to reality aka my real life...
I met him at 2pm and we stayed the night. The first time we had sex almost as soon as I got there, but it was so good. I was very wet and he was doing me when I was facedown on the bed. He reached around and rubbed my clit while fucking me. It felt so good, I thought maybe I could reach an orgasm eventually that way. He tried to cum in my mouth but kinda missed...he was still hard afterwards so we kept going but he couldn't cum again so we stopped. After that we were hungry and went to Applebee's to eat.
Corey talked to his wife at least 3 times, which I tried not to hear except when he put her on speakerphone...I'm not sure why he thinks this is appropriate. Once was in the car and he didn't have much of a choice. The other time, we were using the hot tub in our room and he had to put her on speakerphone. He kissed me twice during it, but not passionately, so maybe it was just a weak assurance.
We also happened to do a bit of coke beforehand, since he discovered his boss had given it to him in a pack of cigs. This might have been a mistake since he had trouble getting it up and I couldn't get turned on at all. So it turned a bit awkward...we took a couple of breaks and we had sex twice more, but he wasn't cumming anytime soon, so we decided to stop and sleep/take a break.
I love cuddling with Corey, yet I know this crosses the casual sex boundary. I wonder if he cuddles and has this intimacy with his wife at him. He mentioned he usually sleeps on the couch because he doesn't like their bed. I hate that he calls her "wifey" so affectionately...but they ARE married.
We left the hotel at 8am. We had a quickie at about 7:45ish. I was getting dressed in my bra and panties and he was still lying in bed. Corey looked over at me and told me "you should get over here". I can't resist him. I went to him in the bed and climbed under the covers next to his naked body. Immediately he started caressing my ass, kissing me, and taking off my thong. I laid there in bliss as he fingered and licked me til I was wet enough. Then he climbed between my legs and slowly (because his cock is very generous in girth) eased his cock into me. He said he still had to cum in my mouth. He fucked me well for a few mins and then announced that he could cum. He pulled out and quickly climbed up my body and put his cock in my mouth as he came. I sucked and cleaned off his cock :)
I'm sure he felt this time wasn't as good as expected...he didn't text me til later the next night. I texted him back but he didn't text me back...the next morning I inquired if he got my text. He said he did, but he passed out after. For someone who always responds to me and always texts me a million times, I thought this was strange. So it kinda upset me. He asked how I was doing but I decided I wasn't in the mood to talk to him this weekend. Corey had mentioned on the phone with his wife that he wanted to go snowboarding this weekend because of all the snow. I hated finding out his wife's name and also their baby daughter's. Makes everything seem so much more real. Maybe this is why he always wants to meet during the week...not sure he could get away for a weekend.
Corey just texted me again, sending a lil wink. It makes me feel better that he is thinking about me, but this is all about sex. I don't want it to be. With Ryan, I don't care...I like him as a friend and also like having sex with him. With Corey, it is so different. I keep wondering what it would be like if we met under different circumstances, if he wasn't married, if he would ever leave his wife...all very dangerous categories. I must stop thinking this. Should I just keep seeing him and keep things casual? Should I slowly phase him out or cut him off?
I'm not sure why I feel like being in a relationship, when I know it is not a good place in my life for one. I cannot stop thinking about marriage and babies....hell, I always say I don't even want all that for like another 10 years. I'm too young right now. Maybe I am hanging out with too many old guys. Maybe I just need a boyfriend my own age! I have been single for too long and miss that connection and intimacy with someone...
I was gonna stay in tonight, but now I'm thinking about going out and drinking just to get my mind off him and back to reality aka my real life...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday morning
Corey has texted me several times but I do not feel like answering...I don't want to depend on him to get over Andrew because well, he's already attached...like Andrew. I'm sure that he still likes his wife, even has sex sometimes, and they probably did it on NYE since she will have sex with him on special occasions. No use for that. Just don't want to get too emotional right now. Going to Bikram in a few to clear my mind, and hopefully get my life back on track.
Also seeing Ryan tomorrow. I'll be near his work getting my test spot for laser hair removal. I'm not looking forward to it now but I'm sure I will have fun with him when I actually do see him...just talking is so hard. xoxo
Also seeing Ryan tomorrow. I'll be near his work getting my test spot for laser hair removal. I'm not looking forward to it now but I'm sure I will have fun with him when I actually do see him...just talking is so hard. xoxo
Sunday night
Just found out Andrew is now in a relationship with her. I knew being friends on FB was not a good idea...I'm glad we aren't friends anymore. I really don't understand it, she is nowhere near attractive enough for him. I think I'm broken
.
I even texted Corey (and I hardly ever text boys first), but now I'm not sure I even wanna talk to him. I just wanna sleep, get some bikram in, and function somehow. How can I Be this sad? I need to be stronger.
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I even texted Corey (and I hardly ever text boys first), but now I'm not sure I even wanna talk to him. I just wanna sleep, get some bikram in, and function somehow. How can I Be this sad? I need to be stronger.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday night
So, I found out that Andrew is fucking that 17-year-old girl. He is 32. Honestly, I felt sick the moment I happened upon it. I pretty much suspected it for some time, but this cements it. Her latest post is a survey in which she describes the person she last kissed, describes stuff such as sleeping in someone's arms almost every day for the past 7 months. I knew this, but did not have absolute confirmation, so I didn't believe it fully. I still believed there was a chance it wasn't true, or maybe it stopped. Really, he has chosen this girl who looks like white trash over me? I mean I know we are seeing other people, but he hasn't tried to see me in weeks. Because of her. She smokes cigarettes, for sakes, yellow teeth, doesn't drink, does not have nice legs, has short hair, including a trashy streak in the front.
I almost wished he tried to contact me again. Now I'm afraid he won't, and I'll get desperate or drunk and text him demanding to know what's going on, what was he thinking? Am I really that unattractive?
I cannot help but miss him, miss the incredible and fun person I always thought he was, and be jealous that she gets to enjoy him, all because she didn't go away to college...he is very intelligent himself and I cannot see how he can keep such conversation with someone like her, watch Dexter, smoke weed, cuddle with his dog...those are all things WE do, and we did long before her, and with his old dog too. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I wish I could change things, show him how sweet I can, how I am much more of what he wants...
Andrew kept saying how things would be easier if we lived closer. Because he can clearly see the other girl everyday. It really hurts me that I don't understand this...at 21, I shouldn't feel like I got too old for men to find me attractive. I mean, I would understand if he was fucking someone closer to his age, or even some chick who is really hot. This is girl is just gross, I have always thought so, even before I had ANY idea of them being more than friends.
But the more I think about it rationally, Andrew has been treating us lately like such a casual exchange. I guess that is my fault, since I have never voiced my true feelings, although I'm sure he has some idea, but he isn't that much of a gentleman to refuse a chance to get laid, he is a guy after all. I am just too messed up.
The only thing that makes me feel a tiny bit better is that he still says he's single, he still goes online and I'm pretty sure fucks other girls too. But I don't want to cling onto that...I kept playing Devil's Advocate, saying, at least he's still fucking me, he can't like her that much if I can give him something she can't. But like I said, I can't cling onto this, because for every time we have a good time and everytime he goes out of the way to see me, or something for me, he does it like 7 times as much for her...I wish I had the strength to erase him out of my life completely, just forget him and never ever speak to him. Lol, maybe no need to be that dramatic, but at least to move and remove any ounce of hope. I hope I can be that strong soon.
I wish Ryan was here, but he is married and I won't see him for 2 days.
5 Blessings today:
-Work was good, my new blazer is cute
-My new tire didn't cost as much as I thought
-Ate somewhat healthy today
-Talked to ryan :]
-Have lots of movies TiVoed
I almost wished he tried to contact me again. Now I'm afraid he won't, and I'll get desperate or drunk and text him demanding to know what's going on, what was he thinking? Am I really that unattractive?
I cannot help but miss him, miss the incredible and fun person I always thought he was, and be jealous that she gets to enjoy him, all because she didn't go away to college...he is very intelligent himself and I cannot see how he can keep such conversation with someone like her, watch Dexter, smoke weed, cuddle with his dog...those are all things WE do, and we did long before her, and with his old dog too. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I wish I could change things, show him how sweet I can, how I am much more of what he wants...
Andrew kept saying how things would be easier if we lived closer. Because he can clearly see the other girl everyday. It really hurts me that I don't understand this...at 21, I shouldn't feel like I got too old for men to find me attractive. I mean, I would understand if he was fucking someone closer to his age, or even some chick who is really hot. This is girl is just gross, I have always thought so, even before I had ANY idea of them being more than friends.
But the more I think about it rationally, Andrew has been treating us lately like such a casual exchange. I guess that is my fault, since I have never voiced my true feelings, although I'm sure he has some idea, but he isn't that much of a gentleman to refuse a chance to get laid, he is a guy after all. I am just too messed up.
The only thing that makes me feel a tiny bit better is that he still says he's single, he still goes online and I'm pretty sure fucks other girls too. But I don't want to cling onto that...I kept playing Devil's Advocate, saying, at least he's still fucking me, he can't like her that much if I can give him something she can't. But like I said, I can't cling onto this, because for every time we have a good time and everytime he goes out of the way to see me, or something for me, he does it like 7 times as much for her...I wish I had the strength to erase him out of my life completely, just forget him and never ever speak to him. Lol, maybe no need to be that dramatic, but at least to move and remove any ounce of hope. I hope I can be that strong soon.
I wish Ryan was here, but he is married and I won't see him for 2 days.
5 Blessings today:
-Work was good, my new blazer is cute
-My new tire didn't cost as much as I thought
-Ate somewhat healthy today
-Talked to ryan :]
-Have lots of movies TiVoed
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